A Documentation of some very recent, very upsetting fever dreams.

Apparently, when I am sick, I dream about boys.

Ew.

Who even does that?

Particularly because its basically the last thing on my mind while I've been lying restless in bed in my illness for four days, trying not to pass out or upchuck, praying that the sweltering heat or freezing cold that plagues my body will stop appearing and reappearing.

Rough life.

So on Thursday night I fell asleep amongst the throes of a thriving fever of 102.
Here's a little taste.

"Erin, please! Why won't you marry me!"
"Because, Bryan! You have a girlfriend! You must love her."
"But what we have together is so special!"
"It was a one-night stand, you idiot. Almost a year ago!"
"But Erin, I love you!"
"But you never even called, you turdburgalor! So it was a one-night stand! And you can't let our childish foolishness get in the way of what could be true happiness with Mckayla. You've just announced on facebook that you love HER! And we all know that facebook is a big honkin deal!"
"But I just don't know if I can do it anymore.. Hold back my feelings for you and keep her and the rest of the world in the dark about our love."
"WHERE THE EFF IS THIS COMING FROM??!!"
And thats when Bryan left the room, his face and heart fallen, a sad, lonely tear falling down his cheek. I heard him meet Mckayla outside. She asked what was wrong, and he mournfully looked back at my doorway as his head sank, and he sullenly slunk off.
Mckayla's glare was icy as she came to my door.
"Stay away from my man, you harlot. We are in love. You are a skank. You and Bryan are nothing. Get out of our lives."
I rubbed my head exhaustedly and replied coolly, "Believe me, honey. I'm working on it."


A second feverish dream came last night, as my fever was finally breaking (hopefully this time for good) and featured a real-life friend of mine, who in this real life has a very real girlfriend, and who I have also not once been romantically interested in. Just so everyone knows that.

**For his protection, names have been changed.

"*Jack, This has been such a fun day today!"
"It really has! Thanks so much for coming, Erin. You are a great date."
"Haha, that rhymes.. thanks."
"No problem. I am glad we met, you know."
"Me too. It has been good times."
"Definitely. I can't wait to see you again."
"Me too."
He reached out his arms to me, and we hugged warmly.
In a split second, my brain was racing with thoughts, and I knew I had to say it. So I got on my tiptoes up to his shoulder, and whispered to him.
"I'll see you later....... I love you."
He didn't respond.
I let go of him and ran off down the hallway to my apartment, shutting the door swiftly behind me. Amy came to greet me.
"How did it go??"
"I TOLD HIM I LOVED HIM, AMES. WHAT. WAS I. THINKING. AAAAAAAGGGGHHHHH."
"But... it was your first date."
"Yep. Stupid Erin! Stupid Erin! Stupid stupid stupid!!!" I scolded myself, smacking to forehead idiotically.
Amy pulled me away from the door so that no one else would hear me. I slammed one hand on the table in frustration and with the other, I reached over and punched the concrete wall.
"I can never talk to him again!! Ugh!!!"

So there you have it. Apparently, when I am sick, my subconscious turns my life into either a soap opera or a high school drama.

You know, when I woke up this morning, I had a scrape on my knuckle.. right where, you could say, someone might hit their hand while punching a wall.

In case anyone was wondering,

I am not dead.

But I do likely have mono.

Which, kind of blows.

I also might have passed out three times yesterday... twice at the doctor, and once at wal-mart.

So basically, my friend and I are just waiting for my picture to appear on PeopleofWalmart.

Also, if anyone has any tips on how to survive/deal with Mono, it would be very much appreciated.

That is all.

Sadness wreaks the Turtle Belt household once again.

Unfortunately, it appears that Nilla fell ill soon after coming to her new home.

We lost another one. :(

We would also like to take this opportunity to mourn the loss of Bianca "Shiny" Gonzalez, a fellow hermit crab roommate.

Our hearts are heavy and distraught at these recent events. Your sympathies are all appreciated. Many thanks.

My Bishop is cooler than Your Bishop

Last night I was talking to my bishop.

He asked me how the 'boys situation' is.

I responded with an "Ehh, A'ight" type of answer.

This is what he did next:

"Erin, hold up your full fist there."

I clenched my hand and lifted it up in front of me.

"Yeah, that looks pretty good. Ok, here's what you do.

To any guys that don't treat you right, you have my permission to give them a black eye."

We laughed, and continued our conversation.

A few minutes later, as we were finishing, he stopped me.

"Hold up that fist again."

I did. He lifted his fist as well.

A very serious look came upon his face.

"Now this may just be the father in me talking, but if you ever need me to, I'll personally give any guy a black eye for you. Just say the word and its done."

In conclusion, my Bishop is awesome.

That is all.

...

I have zero desire to write anything.

Words I didn't say, but probably should have.

I was thinking just the other day about Men.

You know, its funny. I don't think I really know a whole lot of "Men." Or, at least, DATE a lot of "Men." Boys, yes. Men, not so much.

I think you catch my drift.

Without further ado, Here are a few things that I wish I had said, but didn't, to guys that I have dated in the past.

Each comment belongs to a different guy, in no particular order.

Enjoy.

"Unless you have some kind of larynx issue, stop clearing your throat so much. It makes you sound pretentious."

"WHAT do you even WANT?!"

"Buddy, You're the one who made things awkward. I was fine, I am fine. I told you so, I don't know why you didn't believe me. Stop feeding that ego of yours, and quit t

alking to my friends about it instead of me."

"Don't you judge me for watching Desperate Housewives........ or the Jersey Shore...... or Teen Mom......... or that. No no. Don't do it."

"So. The way you kiss. ...yeah, that's gross."

"No offense, but I would prefer not to know about those... "personal issue" medical procedures you had... ahem. That, my friend, is your own bidness. Nooo thanks."

"Well... THAT was stupid."

A funny thing happened on the way to the Morris Center.

This morning, on my way to work, I was walking my usual route up through Helaman Halls. For a period, there was an older lady walking as well, maybe about 20-25 feet in front of me.

It was a lovely morning, and I was actually in a pretty good mood. Surprising, seeing as I generally loathe mornings.

After I had been following behind her for about three minutes or so, she suddenly stopped and stood still. I kept walking, since I had to get to work on time. She turned her head a little and smiled at me as I got closer to her. I smiled back. It was a lovely morning, after all.

Two seconds later, a... peculiar smell floated gently on the morning breeze into my face. I wrinkled my nose and tried to figure out what it was, mixed with the smell of the fresh air and grass and newly blooming flowers. I passed her, still trying to figure out the source of the stench.

Suddenly, it hit me. I know that smell.

I turned around to look at the woman behind me know, who had started into a building nearby. I couldn't help but notice what I believe was a smirk on her face.

Yep. She had definitely passed gas... farted... tooted... or so to speak.

Basically, in my face.

...

Charming.