I'm writing a book.

True story.

I'm currently 32 pages and just over 9,000 words in.

Want to read it?

I've got the crazy.

Sometimes I just have nights where I feel totally incapable and insane.

My brain goes haywire and I just start to freak out about stuff.

I can't explain it. The best I can do is just write it off as "The Crazy."

Well guys... I've got the crazy.

Just bear with me for a while. I'll come around eventually. I hope.

I can't help myself.

I am officially obsessed with THIS music video/song by the most magical duo of all time....

Chris Brown and Justin Bieber.

asdf;lkweny erfd8poq43

i am dying.

Growed-Up.... and NORA!!

I'm graduating (most likely) in less than a year, kids.

Yikes.

But in order to start feeling slightly less unprepared and terrified, I've started doing a lot of research on what to do in a post-bachelor-degree-life. I've begun looking up apartment prices for places I might want to live, and researching career options and things that interest me.

I realized that unless I get a job right off that pays pretty dang well, I will probably need a roommate... I'm not sure there's actually anyone in the area that I would actually want to live with me. I've gotten so comfortable with the people I live with now, and don't really want to have to adjust to a new living situation... even though it has to happen eventually. Boo. But it would cut my rent in half, which would be... a little bit fabulous.

Basically, I am doing grown up things and I do not like it. But it is also exciting at the same time. Mixxxed feelings.
Outsiders thoughts, hmm? All are welcome.


In other news:

I HAVE A NEW NIECE!!

Nora Denise Paulukaitis
Born: 7-7-11, 2am ish.
Weighed 7lbs 14 oz

She has that ever-so-famous Paulukaitis big head.
Classy.

I'm mucho excited to go and visit her and the other little chilrens in August, in only about a month or so now!! :]

Hurrah for Israel.

That is all.

I'm a little bit famous, if you haven't heard.

Original Post by BYU Women's Services Blog {{{HERE}}}

I recently did a photo shoot with Brooke Schultz for this campaign that BYU Women's Services is leading called "I am Beautiful Because..." Recapturing Beauty photo series.

I praticipated in their 30 day Body Image Challenge in the Fall of this past year, and thats where I found out about this "Recapturing Beauty" thing they are doing. They're basically just trying to make sure that women and girls everywhere understand what Beauty actually is, instead of trying to conform to some unrealistic expectation that the media and the world throw at us.

They asked people to submit a statement telling "why I am beautiful." I got super pumped all of a sudden, and wrote my statement out in an email to Brooke at WSR. Here is what I wrote out, slightly edited.

I just wanted to take a second to say that I think this is an amazing idea. When I read the blog post yesterday, I really got to thinking, and I ended up sitting there for literally hours trying to identify what it is that makes people beautiful. This year I've been working hard with my own mental state in an attempt to start fixing any issues I have had with depression, my body, my life, and myself. Its been crazy hard, and more difficult than I ever would have imagined. But regardless of all the difficulties and rough times I give myself, I know that I can't admit defeat. So I won't, and I will never. "I am the master of my own destiny," and all of those cheesy, cliched empowerment type of things may get old, but they are true. What am I refusing to surrender to? A lot of things. I refuse to cave under pressures of school and work. I refuse to surrender to what the world tells me is perfection. I refuse to surrender to depression when it hits; to my own self-critiquing and negativity. I refuse to surrender to life when it gets rough. I will never give up. I can't give up. I won't give up. I have come to believe that beauty comes from the strength of your spirit. I am working desperately to make sure mine is strong enough to hold me though anything. I may not quite be there yet, But I fully intend on getting there, and doing it for and by myself. So as I said before, I am beautiful because I refuse to surrender. And I never will.


I went and picked up the CD of photos from Brooke today after class. Here are my favorites. :)
And yes, you can see my pink hairs quite well. Its true.

teehee.... I feel purdy.

Heads up: This post has a nasty-nast photo.

Well I started out the morning in an utterly delightful manner.

Most people that know me know that I am very.... shall we say, accident prone.

I was biking to work, as I usually do. I bike through Helaman Halls here on campus, which is also where all the EFY and Sports Camps kids are being housed this summer. Now I usually see at least a few of them on the sidewalks or whatever in the morning, reading their little scriptures and writing in their little journals, but today there was an inordinate amount ALL over EVERY sidwalk and pathway that I usually take to get up to work.

So I maneuvered slowly and deliberately through the children types, and finally reached a place where I thought I could bike without worrying about hitting them. So I got on and started pedaling, but about 30 seconds later, my foot slipped, and I felt the bike tipping to one side. I let out an unidentified expletive, and crashed to the ground while simultaneously still moving forward. The result was the entire left side of my forearm receiving a sizable smack, scrape, and bruising, and as I would discover not long afterwards, a gash that goes from my elbow to the middle of my arm.

Charming.

After a couple more unidentified expletives, I saw one of the EFY counselors making his way over. I thought to myself, "Oh, thats just what I need. A bunch of 14 year olds staring at me as their counselor saves the day." So I brushed him off with a wave and "I'm fine, I'm fine," As a few sports camps 16 year olds passed me by, asking if I was alright. I'm not one to admit I ever need help, so I brushed them off too, and pushed my bike the rest of the ten minutes to work, since apparently the chain popped off its doo-hickey, so it was temporarily unrideable.

At work, I spent a good 20 minutes alone trying to wash the black of the pavement off my arm and out of my openly bleeding arm. Now, I'm extremely blood and needle phobic, so a couple times I got kind of faint from just looking at it, and had to sit down.

Fail.

All in all, I ended up having to go to the Creamery on 9th to get gauze and tape, since all we have in the office is 3/4 inch bandaids. I spent the entire first hour at work trying to fix myself. Hah. At least I was clocked in.

In conclusion, I would just like to add that Hydrogen Peroxide hurts like a mother.

That is all.

Oh oh, wanna see it??

This is of my bruised and scraped up hand. Its not super clear, cause I used my cell phone camera, but hopefully you can at least see the discoloration and some scrapes.



Annnd this is my beautiful wound.

I likes it.

Buuut its gross.

Oh wellll.

A Confession

I have long denied it,

Even vehemently protested it.

But there is no more denying it--

I have Bieber Fever.