Ode to Mr. Ryan Stewart, professor of English.

This year, I'm in a freshman english class. Don't judge me. I thought I would need it for my major... that is, until I decided in my quarter-life crisis that I don't want to do public relations anymore. So I'm stuck in this class... But its all good, since my professor is freaking HI-larious. For example.

"In the south, you can say pretty much anything you want about somebody, as long as you say 'bless their heart' with it. For example, "Trent is just stupid, Bless his heart."

"The Western Capitalist Machine... Its like a bus. And Obama drives it."

Another student: "Mr. Stewart, where's that tie from?"
Mr. Stewart: "America."

"I'll make fun of every race in this class. Especially caucasians.... Smug caucasions."

(Giving an example of a simile)
"John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds, who had also never met."

"Refried beans not in a can are sketchy, because you don't know who took them out of the can."

In short, bless his heart. He is great.