Har hars.

This made me giggle like a schoolgirl. Oh wait, I sort of am a school girl. In that I go to school and am a girl.

"Tampons for what?" "...For a Period."

Speaking of Tampon Ads, Lets watch one that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, unless you have a bizarre knowledge of urban dictionary terms, in which case the following would be sort of disturbing.

Even though I loathe bacon in its entirety, this made me laugh nonetheless.

Bacon Love

A day in the life.

Sometimes, I wake up and I look like this:

Other days, I wake up and I end up looking like this:

Yep. Welcome to my life.

And the magic fades.

Sometimes, there are things that just lose their sheen over time. They seem pretty and shiny and appealing and awesome, but after a while their appeal starts to fade and you find yourself uninterested. Let me illustrate this for you with some examples:

1. Leather

2. Stainless steel kitchen appliances

3. Fresh Flowers

4. 'Apple' products

5. Boys from freshman year

6. Fashion trends

7. Various types of cheese

Some of these are self explanatory; kitchen appliances can only be so good for so long before they are simply counter decorations that once made quesadillas; leather gets worn and weathered and loses that appealing smell; fresh flowers can't exactly stay fresh forever, before they wilt and turn a sad shade of brown; fashion trends are in one day and out the next, never to return again (may reference, the mullet, brightly colored spandex, bonnets, etc.) There is simply no hope for Apple brand products, since that darned Steve Jobs comes up with a new version of his last product every stinking day, thereby outdating and making obsolete the $500 whatever-it-is you just purchased the day before. Cheese, if left alone and unconsumed, will turn green and moldy and chunky; and I don't care WHO you are, bleu cheese is a terrifyingly unnatural thing, and I for one don't plan on eating mold anytime in the future.

Oh, and boys from my Freshman year will never again appear as appealing to me.

...

Okay, so maybe I threw that one in there. But let me explain, and for those of you FROM my freshman year who may be reading this (and I do doubt you're out there), don't judge me until I've completed my case.

Freshman year, I lived in the dorms on campus, in Heritage Halls. We had two girl buildings and a guy's building in our ward, so already the "prey," if you will, was scarce, which automatically made it more desirable. The menfolk already had the one up on us; let alone when we would inherit an RM or older guy, he would be pursued and flirted with relentlessly by the "vulture girls," as we called them amongst ourselves.

Vulture Girls are those type that go after practically every guy in sight that is slightly attractive, and that they think they could ever in a million years possibly go on a date/make out with. AKA, give them an inch and they will take a mile.

So being a vulnerable 17-18 year old girl in my first year of college, in a strange new land, surrounded by strange new people in a strange new culture, naturally I also was attracted to the same boys that everyone else was attracted to, if not for the sole reason that other people were attracted to them... if that makes any sense at all. And I think it does.

AnyHoobieWhattie,

I was facebook stalking some people from my freshman year the other night, just checking up on tabs and whatnot (because, as we know, I am a creeper.) I stumbled upon some guys that I never actually became facebook friends with.

Now I remember that some of these guys were like, Grade A meat back in the day. And by back in the day, I mean about two years ago.

Yet now, as I look at them, and I look at their little facebook pictures, I can't help but go, Dang. What was so great about him?

And at the risk of sounding harsh, the longer I looked at them, the less attractive they became.

And hey, that happens in life. That fancy new toaster oven was replaced with an even shinier microwave, the flock of seagulls hairdo opted out for the Bobby Brady comeback, and that new ipod you just got will probably look like trash in a year.

And those boys you lusted after as a teenager are going to look bad after a while.

And yes, I DID just compare men to toaster ovens.

Hey, I'm not judgemental. Its just nature.

WHAT IS THIS NONSENSE??

Question, my dear children.

ARE YOU ALL INSANE???

You may have noticed the poll I recently posted on the sidebar of this here blog. A simple question, obvious to myself:

"Spiderman or Batman?"

I am distraught.

The majority of you said... cringe... Batman.

Batman. Ugh.

I just want to express my extreme disappointment to all of you.

The true, correct answer is OBVIOUS.

SPIDERMAN.

As a dear friend of mine would say, "Durt da dur!"

I simply don't understand this obsession with Batman lately.

I mean, lets think about this logically for a minute.

Batman: Superhero. NOT.

Batman is just some spoiled rich kid who decided that he was going to become a superhero.

HELLOOOO! You can't DECIDE to be a superhero. You have to have super POWERS. DUH!

You're probably thinking, Well, Batman has some ninja powers! Or whatever. But so does Chuck Norris! And he is about 5 million times cooler than Batman, and probably about 5 zillion times better at them than him. So who even NEEDS Batman, really?

Batman doesn't even make his own stuff. Sure, he may come up with some sort of basic conceptual idea, but then he hands it over to his butler or engineer buddies, and they do all the hard work. Not to mention, has anyone noticed how WHINY Bruce is? Wah wah wah, I can't get the girl, wah wah wah, Rachel died, wah wah wah, the Joker drives me crazy.

Now Spiderman, on the other hand, is in a completely different league altogether.

You will probably say to me, "Erin. Come on. Peter Parker is a pretty whiny little buttmunch." To which I will say, "You may be a little bit right. But think about it. Peter Parker is still sort of a teenager/young adult, whereas Bruce is an grown up, who is obviously letting his girly emotions get in the way of this vigilante stuff he is attempting to pull off."

(If you were wondering, yes, I did indeed just give teenagers and young adults permission to whine. You gotta try and get it all out of your system while you're still young and can get away with it, before you turn into a girly cat, i mean bat, obsessed dude.)

Spiderman's powers are also obviously more insanely awesome than Batman's. A freaking mutant spider thingy bit him and gave him super legit web capabilities, muscles, increased vision, and overall coolness. I mean, have you WATCHED him sling those suckers around? Pretty freaking awesome, am I right? They give him a sort of ninja-like sense as well, which only adds to the excellence.

As a final note, check out Spiderman and Batman's costumes for a second here:

I'm just saying... That whole cape thing is severely overrated. Its bound to get in the way at some point. And the way the whole outfit is sculpted, its like he's trying to create the illusion of buffness that may or may not be there. Just planting the seed if you will.

So, Spiderman defenders, I call you to arms. Show us that Spiderman is a true superhero, and not a wannabe like...the other one.

Over and Out.

UPDATE

Since the time of my posting this, I have taken a completely different stance altogether. And no, this stance is not for Chuck Norris for a change. (come on, guys, that should be a given.)

It is for The Green Lantern, AKA Ryan Freaking Reynolds.

See for yourselves.

I don't think you can handle this.

ATTENTION:

Seeking a single, straight, human male in his 20s

Must be able to put up with minor cross dressing on occasion

Must have lock picking skills to be used on occasion when female gets stuck in wooden cabinets

Must be able to defend oneself against random counts of joyous attack

Must be equipped to deal with stressful situations

Must be flexible for the occasional game of twister

Must have good dental hygiene

Must have an affinity for legwarmers and loud, colorful clothing when necessary

Must be helpful in assisting clumsy partner on a regular basis

Must enjoy the finer things in life, such as Equestrianism

Must enjoy sports

Must be willing to celebrate holidays of invented country on demand

Must be able to dress up as ninja on short notice for espionage missions

Must be willing to put up with minor domestic abuse

Must be handy around the house, and able to fit into semi-small crawl spaces

Must be able to handle ALL OF THIS BIDNESS UP IN HERE HOLLA

Must enjoy the occasional chocolatey snack, guilt free

Must enjoy Baked Goods

Must enjoy healthy living and a 'green' diet.

If you fit these requirements, please contact us at

turtlebelt.blogspot.com

ask for Erin, Urrn, Ethel, Eppy, E.D. or Ronnie.

***NOTE***

Ability to drop everything and act like a bird is preferable.