I don't think you can handle this.

ATTENTION:

Seeking a single, straight, human male in his 20s

Must be able to put up with minor cross dressing on occasion

Must have lock picking skills to be used on occasion when female gets stuck in wooden cabinets

Must be able to defend oneself against random counts of joyous attack

Must be equipped to deal with stressful situations

Must be flexible for the occasional game of twister

Must have good dental hygiene

Must have an affinity for legwarmers and loud, colorful clothing when necessary

Must be helpful in assisting clumsy partner on a regular basis

Must enjoy the finer things in life, such as Equestrianism

Must enjoy sports

Must be willing to celebrate holidays of invented country on demand

Must be able to dress up as ninja on short notice for espionage missions

Must be willing to put up with minor domestic abuse

Must be handy around the house, and able to fit into semi-small crawl spaces

Must be able to handle ALL OF THIS BIDNESS UP IN HERE HOLLA

Must enjoy the occasional chocolatey snack, guilt free

Must enjoy Baked Goods

Must enjoy healthy living and a 'green' diet.

If you fit these requirements, please contact us at

turtlebelt.blogspot.com

ask for Erin, Urrn, Ethel, Eppy, E.D. or Ronnie.

***NOTE***

Ability to drop everything and act like a bird is preferable.