A Christmas Letter from Erin and Optimus Prime.

Disclaimer:

The following was created during an extensive all-nighter last week, in which I was under the heavy influence of Redline and sugared cereal. I then proceeded to email this to my entire immediate family, who, bless their hearts, probably find me quite insane. But hey, that's what family is for, right? To abide with you throughout your insanity and questionable late-night antics.

Or something like that.

Enjoy!



Hola Famdamily!!
Happy Holidays from Erin and Optimus Prime!!

Our little family has been through a lot of trials and tribulations this year. Erin has been in school non-stop since June of 2010, and is still going strong. She is expected to graduate in April of this upcoming year, with a bachelor's degree in Spanish, and a minor in Sociology. She has worked very hard on all of her classes, and enjoyed most all of them, excepting the gosh awful piano class taught by a less than experienced grad student, but we shan't dwell on that.


The year started out with Captain Phil joining the family, but he unfortunately passed away a few months into the year. Afterwards, three new Paulukaiciai joined the family, including Nilla, Goober, and Optimus Prime. Erin was a proud and excited parent to several little nugget hermit crabs for quite a period.


Unfortunately, due to circumstances beyond our earthly control, Nilla passed away from an unidentified illness not long after coming home. She was dearly missed.


Goober and Optimus Prime were the best of friends, spooning and snuggling in their tank for hours on end. The two did everything together, which made it all that much harder when Goober passed away on to that big hermit crab laden beach in the sky, where we know he is being shown the ropes by our darling Captain Phil and Nilla. He is dearly missed, but Optimus knows that hermit crab families are forever.


Optimus Prime is just getting his spunk back, reeling in the wake of the loss of Goober. He has become good friends with his tankmates Xena Warrior Princess and Ninja, who have taken him under their claw. We are grateful for them.


Erin and Optimus look forward to the holidays and the new year. Optimus is looking forward to not having to pose for any more holiday pictures for a good long while. He has been a good sport and didn't even pinch once. It has been an exciting year to say the least!


Best holiday wishes from our family to yours.


Love,


Erin and Optimus Prime Paulukaitis

Maybe someday I'll get to sleep normally again.

Its a bad sign when you schedule out when you're going to pull an all-nighter, and have every single hour and half hour of an evening rationed out per homework assignment.

What I wouldn't give for a huuuge, deep nap right now.

Unfortunately, I'm still 3 papers and 5 exams away from finishing the semester.

Hardest semester yet, I would definitely say.

I can't wait to just be home and not have to worry about anything. To have a full fridge of food I didn't have to budget to pay for, and a huge bed with a buttload of blankets, and be in sweet, sweet Georgia with my sweet, sweet family.

Prayers etc would be much appreciated at this time to help keep me from kicking any puppies or banging my head into my desk an unhealthy amount of times.

Sometimes life really sucks.

Sometimes, You just have one of those weekends that could have been great, but ends up sucking miserably once Monday comes around.

I'm feeling terribly stressed out and on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

I need a way to calm the heck down and get out of the stress of school and work and insensitive people and everything combining all into one.

Not to mention, Goober died this weekend. I cried.

I really do think that Optimus misses him. They were always crawling around next to each other, and i think they had a brotherly bond of sorts. They always, and I mean literally ALWAYS, slept next to each other during the day. When I would bring them out and put them on the ground, they would crawl away but then back towards each other. Optimus came out a little slower when I took him out yesterday, and seemed almost resigned to crawl around on my hand. He kept crawling up next to me and nudging against my hand when I would place him on the ground until I would pick him up again. He crawled up my arm to my shoulder just to sit and watch, burrowing into my hair. It was tender and sad. I put him back on my hand to put him back in the tank, but he gripped onto my hand and clamped down on it with his little legs, not pinching, just refusing. When I coaxed him off, he immediately crawled into the corner next to Ninja, my roommate's crab, and scurried over and around him, settling down with their shells touching, just like he and Goober used to sleep.

 It might seem stupid to some people, but I really do love my hermit crabs. They are my pets, and my babies, and whatever. They may not be like a dog or a cat to you, but they are special to me in their own way and I really care about them.

I want to be done with school. I want to not worry about passing grades and tests and group projects and research papers and assignments and whatever else. I only have one semester left after this and I only want to get through it. But I'm awful at coping with stress and anger and frustration and stress and more stress.

I need a breath.

An unconventionally serious post.

A blog that I personally generally have had a great trust in, that tends to promote good causes and great messages to women in the community recently recommended I subscribe to something called "One Million Moms." I was vaguely interested, and decided to sign up for their mailing list without really checking out the website entirely, trusting the judgement of the person that recommended it to me. I knew they wouldn't constantly spam me, promising an email about once a month-- pretty liberal and not at all stifling by normal means.

I got an email from them a little while later, and decided to read it and see what the promoters were urging their readers to speak out about. After reading it, I was severely disappointed. It was all about how the fact that there was a gay teenager portrayed on a popular (and, i'll acknowledge it, stupid,) teen tv drama. The "moms" behind this organization seem to believe that because they weren't wholeheartedly condemning the character's actions, that the TV show was actually promoting children to come out as gay and actually CONVINCE them that they ARE homosexual even if they don't associate themselves as such. A completely RIDICULOUS!! accusation. Here is a quote from that email itself:

The Trevor Helpline promotion aired during the "Beat It" episode of Teen Nick's Degrassi series when teen Riley, the openly gay football captain and starting quarterback, declined reparative therapy for his homosexuality. Not only is Teen Nick now featuring a show that encourages the nation's youth to embrace alternate lifestyles, but the family retail chain Target Corporation is helping through sponsorship.... They are openly recruiting teens and children to become 'gay' on a program that also promotes the transgender and homosexual lifestyle.

I'm sorry, but I just think this is about the stupidest thing for them to say. Now I know that not everyone would agree with me, but it sounds to me like the women behind OMM are promoting some seriously bigoted and destructive ideas themselves. They are promoting the idea that if someone think differently, that there is something fundamentally wrong with them, and are practically trying to tell these people to hate themselves for the thoughts they are having. Even if you don't agree with their "alternative lifestyle," there has got to be a better way to come at and help them other than just saying that it is wrong. I don't see that is is going to really accomplish anything for that individual, and that type of behavior will probably make you more enemies than friends.

I unsubscribed from OMM today. Some of their issues are valid and noble, I acknowledge that. But there are others that are simply killjoy, like the attempt to remove the Ben and Jerry's "Schweddy Balls" flavor from stores, and completely unnecessary. Others are simply too judgmental and bigoted for me to feel like I can give any support to. I'll respect anyone that does, I just don't want to sign my name to something I just cannot agree with.

Uhhhh. Thank you?

Yesterday, two men told me that they want me to have their babies.

Well, one asked me very matter of factly, "Will you be the mother of my children?"

I responded. "Okay, sure."


So apparently I'm going to be having these men's babies one day.

Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhh. We'll see about that.



Hey, whatever. I'll just take it as a compliment. Curse these child-bearing hips of mine. Or something.

I have a weird desire to dye my hair pink.

Just like these chicks.

Hmmm. Maybe someday.

You know what one of my very favorite things is?

When I get a new shirt, and I wash it without looking at the care label, and then it shrinks in the dryer.

THAT. Is one of my VERY favorite things.



apwteok;jgaasl;dfjka;ghks;klfja;lfjkd

hate.

Aw, poo.

I feel like a ninny.

I read a lot of blogs. I have a lot of free time when work is not busy to read blogs. Don't judge me, ok?

Well, I really like reading other people's vintage/fashion/accesory/DIY/sewing/craftypants blogs. Yet I don't do any of these things myself.

I am a facsimile of a sham.

Sigh.

I really do enjoy reading those people's blogs, but they make me look at the outfit I chose for the day and I end up thinking things like:

" Oops. These pants are a size too big.

Is it really business casual if I throw on a skirt with this band t-shirt?

I guess I'll wear my hair straight today......... again.

Good heavens. I own about 500 t-shirts. "


I used to think that I don't have any style at all. But then I realized, I do have a sense of style. It's called t-shirts and jeans. And as lame and boring as that may be, that's what I wear, because its what I feel comfortable in.

Now my sunday clothes, what I wear to church-- now THAT is a different story. I have a certain affinity for 5-inch heels and quirky dresses. Sundays are where I get interesting.

Maybe some day these blogs will inspire me to actually do something intersting with my clothes. Maybe someday.

And then I'll remember how much I like that spiderman tee, and those ripped up too-big jeans, and I'll end up right back here.

In the comfy zone.

You know, I think I'm okay with that.

Nope, stop it. I'm not ready yet.

Listen, over eager people of the world.

I am NOT READY for Christmas yet.

It was just hardly Halloween a week ago. How can you possibly with any good conscience already be eager to throw yourselves into the Holiday season? What about the other Holidays? Like, oh, I don't know, THANKSGIVING?!

I hear ya, You think its hard to get excited for Thanksgiving. False. Let me build you up here with

6 GOOD REASONS YOU SHOULD BE MORE EXCITED FOR THANKSGIVING RIGHT NOW.


1. Food. Holy cow, this one's obvious. EVERYONE freaking loves food. I know I do. Even on the occasions I forget to eat, once I do, I remember how much I love food. And Thanksgiving is basically all about food. What's not to like?

2. Black Friday. I know you all look forward to this. Every single terrifying Wal-Mart patron across the nation looks forward to this day with a voracious and upsetting determination that they carry with them into the store as they stampede through the doors at 4 in the morning. That kind of excitement is fairly contagious, its true. Oh, and Cyber Monday. You know-- the monday after Thanksgiving, when everything online goes on ridiculous sales. Oh, you didn't know about this? Well, you're welcome. You now have access to kajillions of wunderbar deals via the internets. You owe me.

3. Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade!!!! HOLY COW I AM SO PUMPED FOR THIS ASKLGJEWHOSDNFVRGJK. I kid you not. I have watched this parade every year for I cannot tell you how many years. Possibly since I was born. I don't know. Ask my mom. But I freaking love the Parade. The Broadway numbers, the random popstars, the freakin huge balloons... Whats not to like? Its stinking wonderful, and like, 50% of why I love Thanksgiving.

4. Traditions. I look forward to my family's Thanksgiving traditions every year! Like, we always go see a movie on Thanksgiving. My Dad brings up the Christmas tree the day after Thanksgiving. The Holiday decorations get chunked up all around our house. Even though I'm in Utah, I still find a way to participate in the bidness of traditions. Two years ago, when I was in Utah for Thanksgiving, I went with my great aunt to a movie on Thanksgiving night, and then proceeded to spend the whole next day making tons of paper snowflakes so I could decorate my apartment to be all festive-like. Traditions are pretty much the best thing, um, ever, no matter whether or not you're in close proximity to your family all the time. You can bet I'll be working that, even though I'll be here for Thanksgiving.

5. Family!! Thanksgiving is ALL about da fambly! I adore it! Whether I'm at home in GA, or out here in Mormonland, I still love spending Thanksgiving with family. That could be my own immediate family, or my mom's aunts and uncles and cousins, or my roommate's family, (who are virtually family to me at this point) but either way, Its good times had by all.

6. IT IS NOT CHRISTMAS YET. If there's one thing I learned from the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade for years upon years, its that the Christmas season doesn't officially start until Santa Claus appears on his little sleigh and reindeer and junk at the VERY END of the parade. The END of it. COME ON. Respect the tradition and wait it out, kids. Christmas isn't too far away, that may be true. But just have patience, and you will get your time. Until then, enjoy your Turkey Day. For it is much, much closer in the future. Give the bird a chance.

Halloween Hoopla

Several semi exciting things have been happening lately.

For one thing, the coolest aunt in the world got a new iPhone 4s, and sent me her old iPhone 4. Which I'm wiring this post from right now. For shiz lagit.

Also, it's Halloweeny time. Woohoo! For me, this involved many caffeinated beverages, sewing a red cape for my costume, spending three collective hours curling my hair on Friday and Saturday, going to the Alpine Village free college dance party, dressing up for work, drinking more caffeine, blue contacts, and another 120 mg of caffeine to top off Monday morning. Oh, and somehow waking up today with several visible fingernail scratches on my back.

I'm classy like that. Problem is, all this caffeine makes me often completely forget to eat. Oops.

Don't even actually know what I'll end up doing tonight. Surprises are always fun I suppose. Who knows!

Anyways, Ames and I were little red riding hood and robin hood. And we live in the glenhood. There are a lot of hoods involved. Probably some hoodrats too, as our friend R.J. would say.

I hope everyone's Halloween has been extra delightful! I'm missing my nieces and nephew back in GA right now, so here's a shutout to those lil nuggets: Jimbo, Lizbiz, and Bean. See you at Christmas, munchkins!! :D

Ps Wendy.... We the people of Utah demand many photos of their Halloweeny costumed ness. Cept Maybe my roommates. I think they're tired of me going, 'Look look!! How cute!!' but who cares what those schmucks think. Your kids rock.

That is all.

I sat here and laughed for about ten minutes at this picture today.

I got a pinterest account. Nobody warned me how addictive they are.

Today I stumbled on this picture on pinterest. I serously sat at work laughing to myself for a good five minutes. I find it freaking hilarious.

Here are some more hee hees from me that have made me giggle lately. Enjoy.

Am I the only one who eat's m&m's like this?

I do this thing, where when I'm eating peanut m&m's, I bite/peel/eat off all the chocolate and candy coating, until all that is left is the peanut part, then at the end I eat it.

I did this in the office today, and all my co-workers gave me weird looks.

I can't POSSIBLY be the only one that does this... right?

I am an aged fool.

Yesterday was my 21st birthday!

I usually don't do very much for my birthday. Not since I've moved away from home, anyways. Generally because its right at the beginning of the new school year, right after new people move into an apartment, and no one knows anyone's birthday yet or really knows enough about them to feel comfortable getting excited about it.

This year, I've lived with 2 of my roommates already for well over a year, and I was also in town all summer, so I still have a lot of amigos in the vicinity. So after work and class yesterday, A group of us went to Olive Garden, where I was treated to food. And you know how much I do love food. My 2 best friends were also in attendance, so of course it was bound to be a good evening.

Afterwards, we were just sitting in my apartment relaxing, and suddenly many people started showing up at my door just to say Happy Birthday and give their well wishes. Seriously... Like, ten people randomly knocked on my door. I seriously had no idea that so many people cared enough about me to go out of their way to see me on my birthday. And thats not even including the many text messages from friends and family across the country that littered my cell phone inbox.

No really. My mind = blown.

Overall, it was a truly stupendous birthday, and it has made me grateful for all the love and care that I can see present in my lie through other people. I can't adequately express how grateful I am for my friends and family. They are each and every one amazing and wonderful.

Oh, and I got my hair cut. Woo woo.

Over and out.

Tumblr? Ok, why not.

I recently made a tumblr account.

And by recently I mean about 7 months ago.

But I RECENTLY started actually posting things on it. Mostly quotes, interesting thoughts, funny pictures, blah blah blah.

Well here it is, if you get bored.

The Left side of the Turtle Belt

I'd prefer not to spill all my dirty little secrets, K Thanks.

Last night, I was invited to go to a Tumbling Gym with some friends. I politely declined, and when urged, informed them that if I went to a tumbling gym, I would undoubtedly hurt myself in some way or another.

My statement was scoffed away and dismissed easily. I told them that no no, it is indeed true.

And it is.

The last time I went to a tumbling gym and actually, well, TUMBLED, I jolted my body so severely upon landing in the foam pit that I got WHIPLASH.

Its true.

In fact, I had a minor concussion, and the doctor the next day told me my back was "uncontrollably emitting spasms every three mintues or so" causing me extreme pain in my upper and lower back, neck, and shoulders.

No, I wasn't hospitalized. Yes, I'm probably being slightly dramatic.

BUT

He did prescribe me painkillers and muscle relaxers.

You know what happens to me when I'm on muscle relaxers?

I've been prescribed muscle relaxers twice this past academic year, within months of each other. Once when I strained my shoulder from overuse, and again after the tumbling incident.

Muscle relaxers have a funny effect on me. I always start to get terribly tired, often extremely nauseated, and according to my roommate, ex boyfriend, and a couple other friends, extraordinarily loopy.

Ames, the roommate, tells me that I have actually spilled secrets to her while under their influence. Will she tell me what they are? Nope. Not at all. Which means she is either lying, or they are really, REALLY good ones.

So no, my dear friends. I will not go to the Tumbling Gym with you, because I do not need to give my roommate any more dirt on me than she already supposedly has.

But thanks for the invite.

Expletives.

Poop.

I went to the Coke machine in the hallway a little bit ago. I put in my quarters and pressed the Lemonade button.

What did it give me?

A Mr. Pibb.

Someone is trying to kill me.

Its working.

In other news, while Amy and I were walking back from the gym today, I dropped my phone on the sidewalk, and yelled out rather loudly, "MOTHER TRUCKER!" A man on the other side of the street walking just stopped, stared for a second, and laughed as I yelled and picked it up.

You're welcome for the amusement, stranger. May we meet again some day and bond over my substitute swear words.

I'm writing a book.

True story.

I'm currently 32 pages and just over 9,000 words in.

Want to read it?

I've got the crazy.

Sometimes I just have nights where I feel totally incapable and insane.

My brain goes haywire and I just start to freak out about stuff.

I can't explain it. The best I can do is just write it off as "The Crazy."

Well guys... I've got the crazy.

Just bear with me for a while. I'll come around eventually. I hope.

I can't help myself.

I am officially obsessed with THIS music video/song by the most magical duo of all time....

Chris Brown and Justin Bieber.

asdf;lkweny erfd8poq43

i am dying.

Growed-Up.... and NORA!!

I'm graduating (most likely) in less than a year, kids.

Yikes.

But in order to start feeling slightly less unprepared and terrified, I've started doing a lot of research on what to do in a post-bachelor-degree-life. I've begun looking up apartment prices for places I might want to live, and researching career options and things that interest me.

I realized that unless I get a job right off that pays pretty dang well, I will probably need a roommate... I'm not sure there's actually anyone in the area that I would actually want to live with me. I've gotten so comfortable with the people I live with now, and don't really want to have to adjust to a new living situation... even though it has to happen eventually. Boo. But it would cut my rent in half, which would be... a little bit fabulous.

Basically, I am doing grown up things and I do not like it. But it is also exciting at the same time. Mixxxed feelings.
Outsiders thoughts, hmm? All are welcome.


In other news:

I HAVE A NEW NIECE!!

Nora Denise Paulukaitis
Born: 7-7-11, 2am ish.
Weighed 7lbs 14 oz

She has that ever-so-famous Paulukaitis big head.
Classy.

I'm mucho excited to go and visit her and the other little chilrens in August, in only about a month or so now!! :]

Hurrah for Israel.

That is all.

I'm a little bit famous, if you haven't heard.

Original Post by BYU Women's Services Blog {{{HERE}}}

I recently did a photo shoot with Brooke Schultz for this campaign that BYU Women's Services is leading called "I am Beautiful Because..." Recapturing Beauty photo series.

I praticipated in their 30 day Body Image Challenge in the Fall of this past year, and thats where I found out about this "Recapturing Beauty" thing they are doing. They're basically just trying to make sure that women and girls everywhere understand what Beauty actually is, instead of trying to conform to some unrealistic expectation that the media and the world throw at us.

They asked people to submit a statement telling "why I am beautiful." I got super pumped all of a sudden, and wrote my statement out in an email to Brooke at WSR. Here is what I wrote out, slightly edited.

I just wanted to take a second to say that I think this is an amazing idea. When I read the blog post yesterday, I really got to thinking, and I ended up sitting there for literally hours trying to identify what it is that makes people beautiful. This year I've been working hard with my own mental state in an attempt to start fixing any issues I have had with depression, my body, my life, and myself. Its been crazy hard, and more difficult than I ever would have imagined. But regardless of all the difficulties and rough times I give myself, I know that I can't admit defeat. So I won't, and I will never. "I am the master of my own destiny," and all of those cheesy, cliched empowerment type of things may get old, but they are true. What am I refusing to surrender to? A lot of things. I refuse to cave under pressures of school and work. I refuse to surrender to what the world tells me is perfection. I refuse to surrender to depression when it hits; to my own self-critiquing and negativity. I refuse to surrender to life when it gets rough. I will never give up. I can't give up. I won't give up. I have come to believe that beauty comes from the strength of your spirit. I am working desperately to make sure mine is strong enough to hold me though anything. I may not quite be there yet, But I fully intend on getting there, and doing it for and by myself. So as I said before, I am beautiful because I refuse to surrender. And I never will.


I went and picked up the CD of photos from Brooke today after class. Here are my favorites. :)
And yes, you can see my pink hairs quite well. Its true.

teehee.... I feel purdy.

Heads up: This post has a nasty-nast photo.

Well I started out the morning in an utterly delightful manner.

Most people that know me know that I am very.... shall we say, accident prone.

I was biking to work, as I usually do. I bike through Helaman Halls here on campus, which is also where all the EFY and Sports Camps kids are being housed this summer. Now I usually see at least a few of them on the sidewalks or whatever in the morning, reading their little scriptures and writing in their little journals, but today there was an inordinate amount ALL over EVERY sidwalk and pathway that I usually take to get up to work.

So I maneuvered slowly and deliberately through the children types, and finally reached a place where I thought I could bike without worrying about hitting them. So I got on and started pedaling, but about 30 seconds later, my foot slipped, and I felt the bike tipping to one side. I let out an unidentified expletive, and crashed to the ground while simultaneously still moving forward. The result was the entire left side of my forearm receiving a sizable smack, scrape, and bruising, and as I would discover not long afterwards, a gash that goes from my elbow to the middle of my arm.

Charming.

After a couple more unidentified expletives, I saw one of the EFY counselors making his way over. I thought to myself, "Oh, thats just what I need. A bunch of 14 year olds staring at me as their counselor saves the day." So I brushed him off with a wave and "I'm fine, I'm fine," As a few sports camps 16 year olds passed me by, asking if I was alright. I'm not one to admit I ever need help, so I brushed them off too, and pushed my bike the rest of the ten minutes to work, since apparently the chain popped off its doo-hickey, so it was temporarily unrideable.

At work, I spent a good 20 minutes alone trying to wash the black of the pavement off my arm and out of my openly bleeding arm. Now, I'm extremely blood and needle phobic, so a couple times I got kind of faint from just looking at it, and had to sit down.

Fail.

All in all, I ended up having to go to the Creamery on 9th to get gauze and tape, since all we have in the office is 3/4 inch bandaids. I spent the entire first hour at work trying to fix myself. Hah. At least I was clocked in.

In conclusion, I would just like to add that Hydrogen Peroxide hurts like a mother.

That is all.

Oh oh, wanna see it??

This is of my bruised and scraped up hand. Its not super clear, cause I used my cell phone camera, but hopefully you can at least see the discoloration and some scrapes.



Annnd this is my beautiful wound.

I likes it.

Buuut its gross.

Oh wellll.

A Confession

I have long denied it,

Even vehemently protested it.

But there is no more denying it--

I have Bieber Fever.

A Documentation of some very recent, very upsetting fever dreams.

Apparently, when I am sick, I dream about boys.

Ew.

Who even does that?

Particularly because its basically the last thing on my mind while I've been lying restless in bed in my illness for four days, trying not to pass out or upchuck, praying that the sweltering heat or freezing cold that plagues my body will stop appearing and reappearing.

Rough life.

So on Thursday night I fell asleep amongst the throes of a thriving fever of 102.
Here's a little taste.

"Erin, please! Why won't you marry me!"
"Because, Bryan! You have a girlfriend! You must love her."
"But what we have together is so special!"
"It was a one-night stand, you idiot. Almost a year ago!"
"But Erin, I love you!"
"But you never even called, you turdburgalor! So it was a one-night stand! And you can't let our childish foolishness get in the way of what could be true happiness with Mckayla. You've just announced on facebook that you love HER! And we all know that facebook is a big honkin deal!"
"But I just don't know if I can do it anymore.. Hold back my feelings for you and keep her and the rest of the world in the dark about our love."
"WHERE THE EFF IS THIS COMING FROM??!!"
And thats when Bryan left the room, his face and heart fallen, a sad, lonely tear falling down his cheek. I heard him meet Mckayla outside. She asked what was wrong, and he mournfully looked back at my doorway as his head sank, and he sullenly slunk off.
Mckayla's glare was icy as she came to my door.
"Stay away from my man, you harlot. We are in love. You are a skank. You and Bryan are nothing. Get out of our lives."
I rubbed my head exhaustedly and replied coolly, "Believe me, honey. I'm working on it."


A second feverish dream came last night, as my fever was finally breaking (hopefully this time for good) and featured a real-life friend of mine, who in this real life has a very real girlfriend, and who I have also not once been romantically interested in. Just so everyone knows that.

**For his protection, names have been changed.

"*Jack, This has been such a fun day today!"
"It really has! Thanks so much for coming, Erin. You are a great date."
"Haha, that rhymes.. thanks."
"No problem. I am glad we met, you know."
"Me too. It has been good times."
"Definitely. I can't wait to see you again."
"Me too."
He reached out his arms to me, and we hugged warmly.
In a split second, my brain was racing with thoughts, and I knew I had to say it. So I got on my tiptoes up to his shoulder, and whispered to him.
"I'll see you later....... I love you."
He didn't respond.
I let go of him and ran off down the hallway to my apartment, shutting the door swiftly behind me. Amy came to greet me.
"How did it go??"
"I TOLD HIM I LOVED HIM, AMES. WHAT. WAS I. THINKING. AAAAAAAGGGGHHHHH."
"But... it was your first date."
"Yep. Stupid Erin! Stupid Erin! Stupid stupid stupid!!!" I scolded myself, smacking to forehead idiotically.
Amy pulled me away from the door so that no one else would hear me. I slammed one hand on the table in frustration and with the other, I reached over and punched the concrete wall.
"I can never talk to him again!! Ugh!!!"

So there you have it. Apparently, when I am sick, my subconscious turns my life into either a soap opera or a high school drama.

You know, when I woke up this morning, I had a scrape on my knuckle.. right where, you could say, someone might hit their hand while punching a wall.

In case anyone was wondering,

I am not dead.

But I do likely have mono.

Which, kind of blows.

I also might have passed out three times yesterday... twice at the doctor, and once at wal-mart.

So basically, my friend and I are just waiting for my picture to appear on PeopleofWalmart.

Also, if anyone has any tips on how to survive/deal with Mono, it would be very much appreciated.

That is all.

Sadness wreaks the Turtle Belt household once again.

Unfortunately, it appears that Nilla fell ill soon after coming to her new home.

We lost another one. :(

We would also like to take this opportunity to mourn the loss of Bianca "Shiny" Gonzalez, a fellow hermit crab roommate.

Our hearts are heavy and distraught at these recent events. Your sympathies are all appreciated. Many thanks.

My Bishop is cooler than Your Bishop

Last night I was talking to my bishop.

He asked me how the 'boys situation' is.

I responded with an "Ehh, A'ight" type of answer.

This is what he did next:

"Erin, hold up your full fist there."

I clenched my hand and lifted it up in front of me.

"Yeah, that looks pretty good. Ok, here's what you do.

To any guys that don't treat you right, you have my permission to give them a black eye."

We laughed, and continued our conversation.

A few minutes later, as we were finishing, he stopped me.

"Hold up that fist again."

I did. He lifted his fist as well.

A very serious look came upon his face.

"Now this may just be the father in me talking, but if you ever need me to, I'll personally give any guy a black eye for you. Just say the word and its done."

In conclusion, my Bishop is awesome.

That is all.

...

I have zero desire to write anything.

Words I didn't say, but probably should have.

I was thinking just the other day about Men.

You know, its funny. I don't think I really know a whole lot of "Men." Or, at least, DATE a lot of "Men." Boys, yes. Men, not so much.

I think you catch my drift.

Without further ado, Here are a few things that I wish I had said, but didn't, to guys that I have dated in the past.

Each comment belongs to a different guy, in no particular order.

Enjoy.

"Unless you have some kind of larynx issue, stop clearing your throat so much. It makes you sound pretentious."

"WHAT do you even WANT?!"

"Buddy, You're the one who made things awkward. I was fine, I am fine. I told you so, I don't know why you didn't believe me. Stop feeding that ego of yours, and quit t

alking to my friends about it instead of me."

"Don't you judge me for watching Desperate Housewives........ or the Jersey Shore...... or Teen Mom......... or that. No no. Don't do it."

"So. The way you kiss. ...yeah, that's gross."

"No offense, but I would prefer not to know about those... "personal issue" medical procedures you had... ahem. That, my friend, is your own bidness. Nooo thanks."

"Well... THAT was stupid."

A funny thing happened on the way to the Morris Center.

This morning, on my way to work, I was walking my usual route up through Helaman Halls. For a period, there was an older lady walking as well, maybe about 20-25 feet in front of me.

It was a lovely morning, and I was actually in a pretty good mood. Surprising, seeing as I generally loathe mornings.

After I had been following behind her for about three minutes or so, she suddenly stopped and stood still. I kept walking, since I had to get to work on time. She turned her head a little and smiled at me as I got closer to her. I smiled back. It was a lovely morning, after all.

Two seconds later, a... peculiar smell floated gently on the morning breeze into my face. I wrinkled my nose and tried to figure out what it was, mixed with the smell of the fresh air and grass and newly blooming flowers. I passed her, still trying to figure out the source of the stench.

Suddenly, it hit me. I know that smell.

I turned around to look at the woman behind me know, who had started into a building nearby. I couldn't help but notice what I believe was a smirk on her face.

Yep. She had definitely passed gas... farted... tooted... or so to speak.

Basically, in my face.

...

Charming.

Obsession.

I have recently discovered that I have an upsetting addiction and or obsession with a few things:

Gummy things... shaped like people or animals. None of that fruit or obscure blob nonsense here.

Napping. I nap almost every day now. I have no idea why, but suddenly I'm constantly exhausted. Boo.

The song "Pretty Girl Rock." Specifically the remix featuring Kanye West. ...He mentions ATL. Done and done.

Hermit crabs. I'm pretty sure we all already know about this one.

And lastly... Mustaches. I have a mustache necklace from Maddux**... I will soon own a mustache ring... and I have an adhesive mustache pinned to my wall... I'm pretty sure my wedding reception will one day be mustache themed.

**PS: I won a contest. I got $100 at Maddux Couture Boutique, a local clothing store here in Provo. So if you are one of the 228 people who voted for me in the facebook contest, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!

That is all.

Hermit Crabs: The next generation.

Although my heart still mourns for Phil, who has been gone for several weeks now, I had to fill that hole in my heart where the little man used to reside.

So, on Thursday evening, Amy and I went to Petsmart to see what we could see in the hermit crab terrarium.

And so I would like to announce to you, people of the internets:

Its triplets.

Yep, thats right. I couldn't turn my head away from any of these three babies. They're adorable. I couldn't help myself. I caved.

:(

Sometimes I am very sad.

I am in UTAH for the entire summer for the first time in my life...=homesick Erin.

And you guys....

Captain Phil died.

:(

Worst thing ever.

Where have all the good men gone?

In my experience, guys like to blame girls when they end up dating guys that are less than desirable. I've been told personally several times over that its my own fault when I end up with a guy who turns out to be a self obsessed conceited idiot-- I'm the one who finds these guys, apparently, and I shouldn't date them if I want a good guy.

Well, theres one thing that these guys don't seem to understand - the creature known as the skeezebag has most excellent camouflage. Seriously-- the truly talented ones are just nice enough at first to get you comfortable, and trick you into being open and feeling safe. But soon enough, your friends start to notice it, and they try to point it out and warn you. But at this point, all hope is probably lost, and all you can do is defend them helplessly, but voraciously. And then you have to go through that whole painful process of the "I told you so"s from those same people once you're no longer to escape the now obvious facts.

You can tell I've been through this process once or twice. Blahhhhh.

So why do women like 'bad boys?' Well, I have a theory.

These guys are the extraordinarily confident ones, every time. They know they're hot, they know they've got it goin' on, they know that they are desirable. Confidence is definitely extremely attractive. But there is a fine, fine line between confident and obnoxious, and sometimes the cross-over is subtle.

The fact that someone is wanted by others is also hugely attractive.

I mean, of course you're going to want to be with someone that others look at and go, "Daaaaaaanng, Well done." You want everyone else to be jealous of what you've got. Selfish? Yeah, probably. Understandable? Completely. So when put with the whole confidence thing, that guy becomes essentially irresistible. Add in that these guys are obviously exciting, and you're lost to him.

Listen, I get it. I really do understand that it is at least in part the girl's fault. Maybe even mostly. But there is still some blame to be placed on the man.

I know that there are some 'nice guys' out there. But again, there is a fine line between "nice" and "wishy-washy."

Don't you try to deny it. You know its true.

So I hate it when these "nice guys" try to blame the girls in their lives for their mal-success. They have to make a conscious effort. They have to show confidence, or at the very least actually GAIN some. Take initiative. Come on. But they act like to show any kind of confidence in themselves would make them come across as obnoxious, which isn't necessarily true.

As for me, I feel like there has to be some kind of healthy balance of Confident, and still Respectful.

So reading back over this, it sounds like i expect guys to change for us. And I don't, trust me. I know that as long as there have been couples there have been d-bags, and that they will likely be around for.. well, ever, pretty much.

"So how do we get girls to stop dating idiots?" you ask. The answer is simple, and genuine.

If you see a girl you know, love, or care about, whether as just a family member, friend, or something more, starting to get with one of those guys, well then, tell her.

JUST TELL HER.

Tell her what you think about him. Explain rationally what you see in him that she doesn't, and why you know she deserves better. She may brush you off at first, but if you are persistent and honest with her, she will come around and hear what you have to say. I can promise it.

I don't generally write posts like this. But it was just something on my mind, and I just wanted to throw my opinion out at the internets. So.. yeah. I might start writing more personal blogs like this occasionally. Maybe. Maybe not. Who knows!!! Aaaaah surprises.

PS: Funniest mormon pick up lines of my life that I just learned. I eagerly await the day when a guy tries to greet me like so:

- Now I know why Solomon had 700 wives... He never met you.

- Is your name virtue? Because you've been garnishing my thoughts unceasingly.

- The Bible says, "Give drink to those who are thirsty, and feed the hungy." ..How bout dinner?"

- What do you think when Paul said "Greet everyone with a holy kiss?"

- Are you the iron rod? 'Cause I wanna hold on to you for the rest of eternity.

And my new personal favorite:

- What's your favorite temple? ...'Cuz I'm lookin' at mine.

Oh the humanity.

Pfffft. This picture is ridiculous. Oh Biebs.

I did something tonight that I'm not proud of.

I was writing.... sort of.... my paper for my Hispanic Lit class, and somehow or another I ended up on one of those atrocious pop culture rumor websites, clicking through pictures of Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber at the beach or something.

You guys, I don't even like Justin Bieber.

What has come over me??

I suppose it just goes to show you the lengths you will go to when you're procrastinating two more pages of an 8 page paper.

I am ashamed.

PS. I also may or may not be procrastinating it.. again.. to write this.

Feel free to judge me.

"Never complain. Never explain." -Katharine Hepburn

Welcome...

To a week of quoting people who are two things I am not:

Wise and Dead.

I haven't been feeling very eloquent lately.

So, since I don't really have a whole lot to say, I have decided to draw from the minds of people much smarter and/or with much more life experience than myself.

And although I may not be clever, I feel clever whenever I can rattle off some of these little ditties.

I would like to start out the week with some quotes from Katharine Hepburn.

I just watched the Aviator for the first time on Saturday night, and the way Cate Blanchett played her piqued my curiosity. So I began to look up more about her, and found that she and I have some similar viewpoints on life.

"I have many regrets, and I'm sure everyone does. The stupid things you do, you regret... if you have any sense, and if you don't regret them, maybe you're stupid."

"If you always do what interests you, at least one person is pleased."

Also, as it turns out, she's kind of hilarious.

"It's a rather rude gesture, but at least its clear what you mean."

"Enemies are so stimulating."

"Death will be a great relief. No more interviews."

She had an interesting, but I think true, view on Love.

"Only the really plain people know about love - the very fascinating ones try so hard to create an impression that they soon exhaust their talents."

"Plain women know more about men than beautiful women do."

"Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then."

She said what she meant, and by golly she meant it.

"Life is hard. After all, it kills you."

"Why slap them on the wrist with a feather when you can belt them over the head with a sledgehammer?"

So I wish you a lovely Tuesday, and in the immortal words of Katharine Hepburn:

"Drive on. We'll sweep up the blood later!"

Holy Deuce.

I don't understand.

Why can't I buy this yet??

Don't they understand that I could potentially be their single largest buyer?!

Dave Hakkens, you need to get on that ASAP. Because I am all over that like white on rice, my friend. White. On. Rice.

http://www.davehakkens.nl/portfolio/favorites_ediblepen.html

Philosophy.

I don't know a lot of things.

But, I do have some fundamental philosophies on life that I would like to take this moment to share with you.

I believe that no one should be required to make conversation before 10am.

I think that mullets are gone... And they are. NEVER. coming back.

I believe that the world is a cold, cruel place... A cold, cruel, place that has created some really excellent chicken wings.

I think that it should be socially acceptable for men to wear high heels.

In my fantasy world, string cheese grows out of the ground like grass and it rains Diet Coke.

And on overcast days, everyone goes outside to watch the Krispy Kreme Donut sun peek out from behind the Boston Cream filled clouds.

I have found that I am able to function perfectly well on 3 hours of sleep a night, if everyone around me is okay with putting up with my deliriousness and lack of lucidity the following day.

I always find it completely appropriate to walk into my apartment after school and greet my roommate by booty dancing up to her while singing along to "Work it out" by Beyonce.

Fruit Snacks= Joy.

I think that everyone should have to take 5 minutes out of their day to eat a cookie.

I think that I think about food too much.

I believe that genealogy is awesome.

Why?

Well, in part because Barack Obama and I are eighth cousins.

Yeah. Suck it.

I say, that if you screw with my friends, I will not let you get away with it. I am extraordinarily and unapologetically defensive of people I love, and I will cut a fool if you try to go there. Just ask anyone.

Momma Grizzly Bear gonna get you. Just sayin.

I stand by the fact that "cauliflower" is just too difficult a word to say.

[I have also been told that I say 'flower, oil, owl, and scientist' weird. Due to my supposed "southern accent."]

I have found that the song "Suga Suga" by Baby Bash is highly addictive and has a tendency to get stuck in my head literally at least once an hour.

And on a final note,

I believe that sometimes Boys are stupid, and then occasionally Boys are great-- but mostly Girls are stupid all the time.