Friday, January 3, 2014

23 things I already did most of so deal with it.

Blah blah blah, new years resolutions. Whatever. 

I'm not going to bore you with that. I'm already bored just thinking about it. 

For the sake of argument, lets go on and say that my unofficial new years resolution is to be less confrontational or argumentative. Which, if you know me, is kind of my thing. Its all gravy, I work it. 


But there is something that has been bothering me for a while, and I've been holding my tongue, trying to keep from fueling the fire of an argument, regardless of how much the continual "Oh I know! I agree! It's so true! I feel the same way!" comments that people who post opposing, and often, rude, responses to this blog: 

On the one hand, I get that people are somewhat offended by the way she words this. I can even see how they would call it marriage-bashing. 

But I can't help but feel like these people are sort of looking for a reason to be offended by it. Of course they're going to be automatically on the defensive if they are young and married/engaged and see a post entitled "23 things to do instead of getting engaged before you're 23." I get that. Can't blame you for that, even. 

But saying scathing, albeit passive aggressive, things like accusing the girl who wrote it of being 'risque' or 'stupid.' 

Now, I read the post, and the list she created, and I have to say....  


Call me crazy, but I don't see anything on that list that strikes me as particularly scandalous or 'risque.' The closest something comes is her #3: Make out with a stranger. 


I'm not ashamed to admit that I've kissed a stranger before. (Sorry, Mom. Forget you read that.) Does that make me a reckless immature fool? I don't think so, but I suppose thats a matter of opinion. 

The point is, I think we're looking at this the wrong way. This is not a generalized list for every person in the free world. It's coming from a specific woman, who most likely had a more narrow group of people in mind. People like her, or her friends, or maybe she was even thinking of one friend specifically. 

Now I, personally, took this from a different perspective. 

I'm a lifetime Mormon that went to Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah. Approximately 25% of undergrads are married, and that number doubles by the time they graduate. 55% of undergraduate students are married at graduation. Now, it may be a narrow margin, but technically, that does put me in the minority, seeing as I graduated with my bachelor's degree, unmarried, four years after starting school. 

What is more difficult to communicate is the culture involved therein. 

It's a somewhat unspoken, but frequently believed assumption that a young person, when going to BYU, will probably end up married during the course of their time there. 
I can't tell you how many times I've been looked at with a slightly disappointed "...Oh..." when someone learns I graduated from BYU unmarried. "Well... you're different, aren't you?" "Thats ok.... all things in their time I guess..." "I'm sure there's someone out there for you" in a condescending tone. You hear it enough times, and it gets to be borderline infuriating. It's hard not to feel like a failure when people are insinuating that if you're not married, you've done something wrong. 

So I was glad, RELIEVED even, when I saw a friend post a link to the blogpost offering what to me was a refreshing view. And a lot of people don't agree with that, and thats fine. Believe and think what you want, this is America and junk. But I don't want to have to defend myself to people who ask what's wrong with me, why I'm still single, because its a CHOICE. I have CHOSEN not to be married at this point in my life. And some people have CHOSEN to BE married right now. Good for them, some of those people are my best friends and I wish them all the happiness in the world.

So here is my slightly altered list of 23 things FOR ERIN to do. Period. 

The plain type is her original list, the bold are my alterations for various personal reasons. Red Indicates that I've already done it. 

1. Get a passport. Done. 
2. Find your “thing.” Done. 
3. Make out with a stranger. Done. 
4. Adopt a pet. Done. 
5. Start a band. Record in a professional studio. 
6. Make a cake. Make a second cake. Have your cake and eat it too. Done... 12 times over lolzzzz
7. Get a tattoo. It’s more permanent than a marriage. Donate blood without passing out or holding anyone's hand. 
8. Explore a new religion. Done.
9. Start a small business. Audition for a professional theatre company. 
10.Cut your hair. Done. 
11. Date two people at once and see how long it takes to blow up in your face. Done... well it made for a good journal entry? Hahaha  
12. Build something with your hands. Done. 
13. Accomplish a Pinterest project. Done. (Ps... cinnamon rolls in a waffle iron. genius. #justsayin)
14. Join the Peace Corps. Buy a house. 
15. Disappoint your parents. I'm sure I've done this at some point in my adolescence. 
16. Watch GIRLS, over and over again. 
17. Eat a jar of Nutella in one sitting. Eat a jar of Peanut Butter in one sitting. #hazelnutallergyproblems 
18. Make strangers feel uncomfortable in public places. Done, a million times over. 
19. Sign up for CrossFit. P90x or Insanity challenge. 
20. Hangout naked in front of a window. -- As long as that window is curtained and in a private area. #welp 
21. Write your feelings down in a blog. Done, WELL LOOKIT THAT! 
22. Be selfish. Oh, definitely done. 
23. Come with me to the Philippines for Chinese New Year. Go to Lithuania and see the place my Great Grandfather came from. Done, August 2013 

So be happy with your own life decisions, and make your own choices. And stop  posting negative nancy nastiness.