Tuesday, April 20, 2010

That Darn Nature.

I love being able to blame stuff on nature.

For example:

"That girl is in a horrible mood. What a downer."
"Oh, she's just on her period. Its Nature."

"Everyone is all out and about and making out all over campus... Gross."
"Oh, but Spring is in the air! It's Nature."

"You broke your arm walking to class?? You're sooo clumsy."
"No no no, It was a lil bit icy outside... It was Nature's fault."

"That boy is being such a man whore. He was mackin on a different girl the other day."
"Oh, boys will be boys. Its just Nature."

So yep. Basically, Nature is a great excuse for everything.
Nature is like... Nature's Scapegoat?


Friday, April 16, 2010

This one time, I wrote a paper about writing a paper. And got an A.

A Tale of a Winters Afternoon—Based on a True Story

I picked up my phone, fiddling with the PETA sticker on the back before turning it over and composing a text message to select family and friends. “I’m here alone all day studying for exams… so if anyone else is bored and wants to call or skype today… it will be very welcome…”

I read back on what I sent . Wow. Way to seem desperate for human attention. I turned back to my computer and opened a new word document, titling it “English 150 Final.” I weakly went through the motions of adding the typical MLA heading and page numbers, then proceeded to begin to type the lyrics of a song stuck in my head, deleting and re writing them once or twice, until my phone buzzed with a new text message. “From Daddy-O,” the screen read. Well, at least my own father cared enough to talk to me, I thought as I clicked “read.”

“Your mother and sister are out at the mall. Adam and Wendy are at his company party. Kelly and I are running errands. Sounds like somebody needs a Jamba Juice.” I frowned at his response, since he had just rattled off everyone I had appealed to.

“Everybody hates me. And getting a jamba juice would make me go outside and walk to campus in the ice and snow. :( Bad day.”

“I don’t hate you.”

“OK. Most people hate me.”

“Why do people hate you, praytell?”

“Because nobody wants to talk to me or play with me. :( ”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m all alooooooone!”

I stopped texting and stared at the assignment sheet sitting in front of me. ‘Write two original, double-spaced pages of anything…’ I read the line over and over again. ‘Write two pages on anything? What does that even mean?? ’ I thought, frustrated. I picked up my phone once more and dialed my father’s number.

“Dad, I need your help.”

“What, because you’re all alone?”

“I didn’t call you to whine. I need your help on something. I have to write a paper for my English final on ‘anything,’ and I have no idea what to write about.”

“Well, how am I supposed to know?”

“I don’t know! What would you write about?”

“Write about being a single female at a University and the dating woes you face.”

“I don’t wanna write about that, Dad. Something else.”

“Write about when you slipped on the ice last semester and broke your arm.”

“I dunno… It has to have this whole “distinct purpose and audience” thing.”



We both pondered in silence for a moment, until he spoke up again, posing a new scenario.

“You could… write about writing this paper.”

“Dad, that’s…. uh, wait. That could actually work.”

“I know, right?”

“No, seriously. I think I’m going to do it.”

“Really? Wow. Send me a copy when you finish. I kind of want to read this now.”

“Will do, Father. Will do. Now I must get to work.”

I hung up the phone, pushed my glasses up the bridge of my nose, leaned towards my computer screen with newfound motivation, and began to type.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

And now for an extraordinarily serious discussion:


Who would win in a fight:

Dr. Seuss (aka Theodore Geisel) or Walt Whitman??

I know, I know. Its terribly tough to decide.

Don't worry, we're going to seriously examine both sides here.

Now out of curiosity, I put up a poll on the blog, and I also asked my little faceybook friends their opinions on this troubling, perplexing topic. Overall, the general census was that Dr. Seuss, aka Theodore Geisel, would ultimately come out on top if it came to a physical altercation with Mr. Whitman. Here I present some quotes of what they noted as their rationalization:

My sister in law Wendy said:
Seuss would win because his vocab is gigantic and so is his imagination.

My elder brother stated:
Think of all the cool characters would come to Dr. Seuss' rescue even if Walt started beating him up. No chance in heck Walt would win.

Seth, my FHE brother, reported:
I don't know what Walt Whitman is packing, but no doubt Dr. Seuss would just own with his Whompa Thompa stick, or his Boozle Bazooka.

Ginny, a friend from my youth, noted:
The answer's pretty obvious to me, but maybe it's not so clear to some...maybe this'll help: LINK

If you've clicked on the link that dear Ginny posted, you have found an interesting exam paper. As much as we may wish that Walt Whitman was that hardcore, unfortunately, I doubt its legitimacy. Regardless, I feel that Walt Whitman would be more than capable of holding his own in this fight.


As you can see here, Walt Whitman looked pretty hard core back in the day. The way his hat is slightly askew, with his gruff and tumble facial hair, which we shall see for years to come. Also, during the civil war, he thought his brother was wounded, so he walked down south.... Literally. Walked. Through the war-ridden south. That IS hardcore, no doubt about it.

Keep in mind that I did my very best to find the most hardcore pictures of these two fellows. With that, I present this photo of Theodore Geisel, taken graciously from the "famous pipe smokers" web site. And he truly does look pretty hardcore here. Not only that, but I have found evidence, through wikipedia, that Dr. Seuss himself, in the pre-Seuss days at Dartmouth, was a rebel. According to my sources, he was caught, possibly on multiple occasions, drinking alcohol on campus... during PROHIBITION! I feel like this would also qualify him as hardcore.

Also, It appears that Whitman was actually very much FOR prohibition.
It looks like, had these two gentlemen met, they would have actually had true disagreements, therefore making our hypothetical situation much more plausible, and therefore interesting.

As for their writings, while Dr. Seuss indeed did create pretty much his own vocabulary and funky little creatures, Walt Whitman has been credited as "The Father of Free Form." He was not afraid to write about sexuality and death and rotting leaves and, I quote, "debris." Dr. Seuss, however, was not afraid to stand up for environmentalism, against fascism, and even once wrote a poem after the Watergate scandal, entitled, no joke, "Richard M. Nixon, Please Go Away!" Then again, Walt Whitman has also been declared, very boldly, "America's First Poet of Democracy." Come on. That is impressive.

Now for the most important point of discussion:

The Topic of Beard.

When you look at a photo of Theodore Geisel, it is observed that he does indeed have a fine display of facial hair. White, and sturdy, evenly distributed with no signs of patchiness, and well groomed.

In the case of Walt Whitman, it is quite apparent from first glance that quantity is at his advantage, in terms of bearding. His beard, throughout his life, in pretty much every picture I have been able to observe of the man, is thick, luxurious, and solid of color. A fine specimen of facial hair indeed.

So. The Ultimate Question to be answered. Who would win in a fight?
Dr. Seuss or Walt Whitman?

The Answer I have determined, after diligent study and research of both sides, is...


Chuck Norris.

Because Chuck Norris ALWAYS wins.

Thursday, April 8, 2010


I was walking through the Wilkinson Center yesterday afternoon, kind of in a hurry so I could catch my bus. As I walked through the terrace, people were lunching and doing homework and socializing, as per usual. As I passed by one table that housed two girls about my age, I couldn't help but notice what they were eating.

It was a cupcake. A red velvet cupcake. Okay okay, cool, I like cupcakes, Everyone likes cupcakes.

...They had SPLIT the cupcake.

Who DOES that????? Seriously?? Who SPLITS a cupcake?? They're small enough as it is!

Not only that, but they had split the cupcake... into QUARTERS.

ONE cupcake. FOUR pieces. And half of it was just sitting on the little wrapper while they talked.

You can't be serious.

You're going to buy a nice, fancy, two dollar cupcake, and then eat a QUARTER of it??

You, my friend, are a Freak.

That is all.

Sunday, April 4, 2010


Oh Easter. Easteryeaster day.
This morning, I woke up and went into the living room to watch General Conference, and much to my surprise, I found a bunch of robin's eggs, toffees, and hershey kisses hidden in little nooks and crannies all over the living room, the kitchen, the hallway, and even a few in the bathroom. I about freaked out and was like, "THE EASTER BUNNY CAME!!" Hahaha.... It was grand. Anyhoo. Anatomy of Easter for ya:

Easter is 20 % this:
And 20 % this:
But really, it is 100 % this:
"Death is conquered, man is free; Christ has won the victory!"

Let's all remember the true message of the Holiday in reverence. :)

Happy Easter to everyone!!

Friday, April 2, 2010

Cookie Monster

Separated at Birth???
I think so.