Thursday, January 20, 2011

I'm sorry, did I stumble into a Lifetime Movie by mistake?

<-- This is what I imagined she looked like.

You guys.

This is a totally and completely true story. It legitimately happened, like, fifteen minutes ago.

I was taking a delightful nap, when all of a sudden my cell phone rang, awaking me from my peaceful slumber. Somewhat peeved, I turned over and answered it sleepily. A mysterious southern lady's voice reached my ears as I did so. The following conversation ensued.

Erin: Hello?

Stranger: Yes, um, hello, Uh, I just want to know, how do you know James Earl Jr.?

Erin: Uhh, I don't. I have no idea who that is.

Stranger: Okay, well, buh-bye then.

Erin: Right. Bye.

About two minutes later, as I was falling asleep once more, the phone rang again. I yelled at it when I saw the same number, but answered anyways.

Stranger: Hello, yes, Well, I was just wanted to know, are you in Construction? James Earl Jr. works in construction.

Erin: Uh, no, I'm not.

Stranger: Okay, well, may I ask, where are you located?

Erin: Uhh, I live in Utah, lady.

Stranger: Oh. Well, we are located in [blah blah blah some town name] South Carolina, and I found your number in my son-in-law's phone, and I just wasn't sure.

Erin: Right. Well, I still have no idea who he is, so, sorry.

And we hung up again. Not more than 5 minutes later, the phone rang once more. Now thoroughly peeved, I answered very gruffly.

Erin: Yesssss?

Stranger: Listen, sweety, I don't mean to keep bothering you, but I would just appreciate you being completely honest with me.

Erin: Um, I am.

Stranger: Ok, well, here's whats going on. My daughter found your phone number on my son-in-law's phone, and he's out of town right now, you see he works in construction. Well, and we've found some things around his trailer that suggest that something unsavory is going on.

Erin: Unsavory? .....Uh, yikes?

Stranger: So I really would just like you to be totally honest with me.

Erin: Right. Well, listen, I AM being totally honest with you. I really don't know who the heck this guy is.

Stranger: Right... Uh, Are you a student?

Erin: Yeah, I am...

Stranger: And where do you go to school?

Erin: Lady, I told you, I live in Utah.

Stranger: Alright. And you said you don't know how your number got into his phone?

Erin: I seriously haven't the slightest idea. All I can think of is that maybe he put in someone else's number, but got a number wrong or something, and ended up with my number instead. That is the only solution I can offer you.

Stranger: Okay, okay, and you don't know James Earl Jr.?

Erin: *sigh* No. No I do not. I swear to you, I have absolutely nothing to do with whatever is going on.

Stranger: Well, you do sound very young.

Erin: Yeah, well, I'm in my twenties.

Stranger: Yes, well, I am nearly fifty years old myself. He's married to my daughter Dana, and they have three lovely children together. I'm just trying to get all the facts straight. But I need you to be totally honest with me.

Erin: LIKE I SAID BEFORE, I am being TOTALLY honest. I don't know who he is, or how he got my number, and I'm sorry this..... thing is going on in your family. But I can't really help you.

Stranger: Okay, okay. Yeah.

Erin: I do hope you get it figured out though.... so, uh, good luck with that!

Stranger: Mmhmm, thank you.

So, I more or less got accused of having an affair with this lady's son-in-law.

Wow... my first accusal of being the "other woman" in an infidelity situation.

.....I really am growing up.

PS: TO whoever you were, angry southern lady, I do sincerely hope you figure out what your D-Bag son in law has been up to. Best of luck. I mean that.


Adam said...

Why do you get to have all the fun????

Missy said...

Erin. Seriously. This is the best thing I've ever read. Me and Becca had to share this with our whole apartment. ah. so funny.

Muddy said...

OMGosh!! That is hilarious and creepy at the same time.

Deb in GA said...

If she calls again, I'd call the cops and charge her with harassment. Sheesh. She needs to seriously BACK OFF. Weirdo, paranoid woman....

Muddy said...

On second thought, that sounds like a prank: make someone squirm and die laughing.

Brittani said...

hahaha. best thing ever.