Did you know that you have to be 18 to buy sparklers in the state of Georgia?
Me neither. But, it shouldn't be a problem, right? Seeing as I am well over 18.
Or so you might think.
You might remember back in the summer, when I got asked my age at a PG-13 Movie. That was fun times. Not. If you're not familiar, I encourage you to go back and read it once again.
Now if you don't know me extremely well, you ought to know that I have always had this complex about my age and height, most likely due to the fact that I didn't break five feet until I was a sophomore in High School.
Basically, I was reaaaaallly small for a reaaally long time. Back in sixth grade, one of my classmates asked me if I was born a premie, because I was so tiny. When I joined summer league swim team at age 8, I practiced with the 4 and 5 year olds because I was their same size.
Pitiful, I know. But it happens.
As for my age, well, if you've seen me at all really, I don't look like I'm in my 20s. This year alone, I've gotten 15, 16, 17 as general age guesses at me. It doesn't usually get much higher than that.
But I guess in my own mind, I like to tell myself that I look at LEAST 18, just for principal's sake. Unfortunately, It does not appear to be quite so.
And with that, I shall impart to you a story of my adventure to Publix, whereupon I attempted to purchase some harmless two dollar sparklers, and to my chagrin, met with quite some difficulty. ...... in the form of an accompanied photo expression essay, in the familiar style of The Roommate Makeout Fiasco of 2010.
I entered Publix in a relatively good mood. I saw the cheap, $2 sparklers I needed, and happily took them to the nearest cash register.
Oh Hai, I would just like to get these here sparklers is all ma'am!
Uhhhh, I need to see your I.D. in order to buy these.
She stared at it for a liiiiittle too long.
Once I realized what was happening, I became a weeeee bit... enraged.
Um, I don't think this I.D. will work.
Oh no you di'int! Hows about you just check that thing again one more time now?
"Uh, I'm 20 years old. So maybe you should actually check to see if it will work before you go judge it like that."
And with that, she typed the numbers of my license into her little machine.
"Oh, right. I guess it does work. Well, here you go then."
"Yeah, THAT'S what I thought."
Then she got all stupid and tried to go all perky again, saying, "Ooohh, I love sparklers, don't you?"
And I hit her with a "Right. Whatever." And handed over my two dollars with a squinty "I'm watching you" glance into her eyeballs.
And, not feeling like dealing with her, I waved a little "buh-bye," and high tailed it out of there.
In conclusion, "Peace out, Publix. You and your haughty cashiers ain't worth my time. I'm buying my cheese at Kroger's from here on."