Thursday, April 14, 2011

Where have all the good men gone?

In my experience, guys like to blame girls when they end up dating guys that are less than desirable. I've been told personally several times over that its my own fault when I end up with a guy who turns out to be a self obsessed conceited idiot-- I'm the one who finds these guys, apparently, and I shouldn't date them if I want a good guy.

Well, theres one thing that these guys don't seem to understand - the creature known as the skeezebag has most excellent camouflage. Seriously-- the truly talented ones are just nice enough at first to get you comfortable, and trick you into being open and feeling safe. But soon enough, your friends start to notice it, and they try to point it out and warn you. But at this point, all hope is probably lost, and all you can do is defend them helplessly, but voraciously. And then you have to go through that whole painful process of the "I told you so"s from those same people once you're no longer to escape the now obvious facts.

You can tell I've been through this process once or twice. Blahhhhh.

So why do women like 'bad boys?' Well, I have a theory.
These guys are the extraordinarily confident ones, every time. They know they're hot, they know they've got it goin' on, they know that they are desirable. Confidence is definitely extremely attractive. But there is a fine, fine line between confident and obnoxious, and sometimes the cross-over is subtle.
The fact that someone is wanted by others is also hugely attractive.
I mean, of course you're going to want to be with someone that others look at and go, "Daaaaaaanng, Well done." You want everyone else to be jealous of what you've got. Selfish? Yeah, probably. Understandable? Completely. So when put with the whole confidence thing, that guy becomes essentially irresistible. Add in that these guys are obviously exciting, and you're lost to him.

Listen, I get it. I really do understand that it is at least in part the girl's fault. Maybe even mostly. But there is still some blame to be placed on the man.

I know that there are some 'nice guys' out there. But again, there is a fine line between "nice" and "wishy-washy."
Don't you try to deny it. You know its true.
So I hate it when these "nice guys" try to blame the girls in their lives for their mal-success. They have to make a conscious effort. They have to show confidence, or at the very least actually GAIN some. Take initiative. Come on. But they act like to show any kind of confidence in themselves would make them come across as obnoxious, which isn't necessarily true.

As for me, I feel like there has to be some kind of healthy balance of Confident, and still Respectful.

So reading back over this, it sounds like i expect guys to change for us. And I don't, trust me. I know that as long as there have been couples there have been d-bags, and that they will likely be around for.. well, ever, pretty much.

"So how do we get girls to stop dating idiots?" you ask. The answer is simple, and genuine.
If you see a girl you know, love, or care about, whether as just a family member, friend, or something more, starting to get with one of those guys, well then, tell her.
Tell her what you think about him. Explain rationally what you see in him that she doesn't, and why you know she deserves better. She may brush you off at first, but if you are persistent and honest with her, she will come around and hear what you have to say. I can promise it.

I don't generally write posts like this. But it was just something on my mind, and I just wanted to throw my opinion out at the internets. So.. yeah. I might start writing more personal blogs like this occasionally. Maybe. Maybe not. Who knows!!! Aaaaah surprises.

PS: Funniest mormon pick up lines of my life that I just learned. I eagerly await the day when a guy tries to greet me like so:

- Now I know why Solomon had 700 wives... He never met you.

- Is your name virtue? Because you've been garnishing my thoughts unceasingly.

- The Bible says, "Give drink to those who are thirsty, and feed the hungy." ..How bout dinner?"

- What do you think when Paul said "Greet everyone with a holy kiss?"

- Are you the iron rod? 'Cause I wanna hold on to you for the rest of eternity.

And my new personal favorite:

- What's your favorite temple? ...'Cuz I'm lookin' at mine.

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