Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Oh, the things we do whilst in the Bathtub.

Lets talk about something I dont understand.

The Toaster in the bathtub Suicide Act.

I simply don't get it. Of all the ways to die, why would you decide to do it with a toaster? In a bathtub? Come on.

I would like to speak to the first person who came up with that bright idea.

"Hello, my good sir. I wonder what it is you are doing there?"

"Oh, I am slightly hungered. I thought I just might make myself some delightful toast whilst in the bath. You know, killing two birds with one stone and whatnot."

"Ah, I understand your dilemma. Did it ever occur to you that the electricity might cause you harm as you attempt to cook said bread in yonder toaster, because of the imminent water lying beneath you?"

"No no, my good man, I am not worried at all."

"Alrighty then, pip pip and cheerio to you."

If you were wondering, yes, yes I did imagine that entire conversation to be had in British accents.

You know how they put warning labels on everything? You know, they only put warning labels on them because someone has done the stupid thing they are warning against before hand. There has always been that pregnant lady on the intense roller coaster whose baby popped out mid loop. Thats why they warn against it. Not to protect us, the people of slightly over average intelligence, but to protect the fate of those who are so dumb as to, I don't know, attempt to dry their hair in the shower.

Can we dwell on that for a moment?

This is the one that makes me saddest, that makes me lose a little bit of my faith in humanity every time I see that label. You know the one.

The thing about this particular label is that they actually illustrated the water underneath the hair dryer.

No, the saddest thing is that someone, at some time, has actually died with this as the cause. Someone... upsettedly enough... tried to dry their hair. While in the bathtub. Someone just got a little ahead of themselves and decided to try for the gold medal in hair styling speed and efficiency, regardless of the consequences. And they paid for it dearly.

But lets explore other scenarios here for a moment. Maybe the poor soul was just trying to turn their tub into a premium jacuzzi, by using the dryer to blow bubbles into their water. Maybe he got water in his eyes, and the dryer was closer than the towel, so he attempted to blow it out. Maybe he had a hot date and was just trying to cut some corners to get that lovely blown out hair he adores so very much.

Or maybe he was just an idiot.


Deb in GA said...

"After work, John decided to relax in the tub and enjoy his favorite toasty treat. Suddenly...."

Bert said...

Haha. I have always wondered about those.

I think on pop tarts they have a warning on the label that the pop tart has to be taken out of the plastic thing it's in prior to cooking. Haha. People are so silly. It's kinda sad.

Alycia (Crowley Party) said...

Have you ever seen the movie Ground Hogs Day?! haha GO WATCH the scene where he tries to kill himself by doing this :)

Bert said...

I made it onto your picture thing at the top!! I'm so cool :)