"You're like our pet. We just tell people how adorable you are, like a puppy!"
"You won't have an ounce of trouble. You'll be married within the next year for sure, no doubt in my mind."
"MARRY ME NOW. Just marry me now please."
"Whatchoo waitin' for?" [accompanied by a wink and head nod]
"Remember that time you did the dishes? That was awesome."
"I like this ensemble you've got goin on. The whole, cat-in-the-hat plus birds in cages thing works for you."
"Oh, we were just chattin about fornication."
"Do they have chickens or is that where they take people to get raped??"
"Why can people be rats but rats can't be people? Its not fair!"
"Did you say something about naked? Yeah, thats what I thought."
"Its like the Biggest Loser: Reunion in the hot tub."
"I'M TRYING TO BE WHOLESOME, DAGNABBIT."
"Let me see your feet. No, now. RIGHT NOW, DANGIT."
Obviously, my life and my friends are extraordinarily exciting, and therefore better than yours and your friends. No offense meant. Okay, well, maybe a little bit of offense meant.