Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Bradley Cooper and the Zombies.

You guys. 

Last night - - 

Most. Epic. Dream. 


Here's what went down. 

For some inexplicable reason, I often dream about animals, specifically dogs. Of three memorable dreams I've had this week, dogs were in two of them. 

Scene: Suburban Atlanta, the year 2013. 

My sister Brynna and my Mom have gifted me with a pug for my birthday. It was a most joyous thing, because pugs are my favorite dog. They're so ugly they're cute. It was uncreatively, but aptly named, Pugsley. 

I decided to travel to Utah with my best friend Bradley Cooper, in order to show off my new dog to family and friends out there. Bradley Cooper and his younger sister accompanied me. 

Now this is where it gets interesting. 

One night, as we are all settling down to sleep in the living room of a friend's home, we hear on the radio that a strange new disease has been discovered, and is affecting people very strangely. We weren't too worried, and slept anyways. 

Several hours later we awoke and found there was a massive power outage. We pulled out a hand crank radio and heard an emergency announcement that the country had become infested with zombies, and they were highly dangerous. As we noted some of the afflicted out on the streets, we decided to travel back home to Georgia ASAP. On our journey, which surprisingly only took about a day, we were pursued by zombies and other inexplicably evil people, who wanted to exploit the disease for world power or something. Eh, who knows. Also, the evil guys were all from Long Island... and were very much mafioso-types. 
We ended up in Cape Canaveral, and were blasted off into a low-flying space station, where we recuperated and rested up, and helped to heal up a badly wounded Bradley Cooper. Once he was all better, we landed back on solid ground and took refuge in my family's now abandoned house attic, taking with us a teleportation device that would allow us to transport back up to the space station at any time.

We were armed with massive guns and machinery, and were ready to fight our way out of there. In the attic, we made friends with a group of girl scouts, who were also hiding from the zombies. These girl scouts, however, were a mix between brownies and kamikazes. They were hard core. And I liked it. 

Picture this...
Combined with this. 

As we all heard the zombie troops growing closer, we took refuge in my old bedroom closet, loaded up with various weapons and trusty Pugsley, who, it turned out, had quite the affinity for zombie battling. 

The zombies began to storm the house. They fought through the attic and downstairs, making their way to our floor. the second they burst into my bedroom, we took aim and let them have it. What resulted was an epic battle that could only be described as legen.... wait for it.... dary. 
Bradley Cooper, as it turns out, is kind of a wuss when it comes to zombie battle, and didn't do too much other than shoot his AK-47 blindly into the crowd. The girl scouts, however, fought valiantly, and were unfortunately massacred by the zombie legion. In the end, it was just me, Bradley Cooper, his unnamed sister, and Pugsley. 
As we were doing our best to fight off the last of them, i was knocked unconscious by a piece of falling debris. As I blacked out, I saw the last few zombies being blown to bits by Sister of BC, and Pugsley rushing to my side as my mother appeared in the doorway. It was at that time that Pugsley, with his canine wisdom, activated the teleporter and whooshed us off to the space station once again. 

I awoke a period of time later, in my somewhat in disrepair house, with my mother patting Pugsley by my side. She told me a story of the zombies inexplicably dying off after a period, and the CDC creating a cure for their bites. She then related what she had seen that last night-- the fighting and dying somberly girl scouts, and the three mysterious figures that teleported at the last moment, when all she could see in the darkness was the glow of their eyes. Pugsley barked proudly, and I explained excitedly, "Mom! That was Bradley Cooper and me! That was us! We took refuge in a space station just above here. Those girl scouts were so brave... so true..." And i began to sob. 

My mother replied, "What?! There's a space station above us??!" 

To which I responded jovially,  
"Yeah, Mom!! They have those! Its a thing!" 

And then I woke up. 

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