Sunday, March 28, 2010

I need an archnemesis.

I need an archnemesis.

You know why?

Because all the cool people have archnemesises.
Is that even the right way to say that? archnemesisesesesiseseisisisisisisisessssss

Think about it for a moment.

Captain America has an archnemesis.
Iron Man has an archnemesis.
Spiderman has an archnemesis.
Mario has an archnemesis.
Optimus Prime has an archnemesis.

Honestly, the only really awesome person that I know of that DOESN'T have some kind of archnemesis is the one, the only, Chuck Norris. And we all know that that is simply because there isn't anyone out there that would be a proper challenge for Chuck Norris.

...I need an archnemesis.

Oh, lookit that. As I updated my facebook status, telling the world that I need an archnemesis, my dear thoughtful cousin Katie volunteered to be my archnemesis.

Sorry, Katie. You are too thoughtful to be my archnemesis. Obviously.


I'm sitting here thinking of all the magnificent things I could do if I had an archnemesis.

I once saw a facebook 'piece of flair' that said simply,

"You've got enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something at least once in your life."

At the time, it sounded thougt provoking and deep, but now, I see it for what it is: An affirmation of the fact that I need an archnemesis. Without one, I have obviously stood up for nothing. Or something like that.

I like to imagine that, if I had an archnemesis, it would give me the opportunity on regular occasions to have a hollywood style martial arts showdown on the roof of a skyscraper, or a rocky style kick butt combat, fist to fist fight sequence every now and then. Or even a "Princess Bride" style battle of wits and mental capacity.

Yet without an archnemesis, I am forced to pick fights with the average, friendly like people I come in contact with day to day. And as fond of them as I may be, I reserve a special place in my heart for a nemesis to fill one day.

Where is the sparring? The trash talking? The regular challenges to my dignity and honor? No one else seems to be jumping at the chance to defend, or insult for that matter, my honor, and where's the fun in that mediocrity?

I also imagine that one day, when I am old and gray, I shall be able to sit down for tea and crumpets with my archnemesis, both of us having retired. We will go to a classy porch-style restaurant, where we will reminisce about the good old times, and flip through old scrapbooks that detail highly our experiences together, and laugh about the day that so-and-so ripped their pants while leaping from one roof to the other, or when one or the other sleep walked to the other's house in their underwear one night looking for a fight. Then, as we shake hands good day, and turn our backs and start to walk away, one will twitch and pull out an old switchblade, and the other will hear the rustling of clothing and pull out a concealed dagger from their sock, and we will revert back to old familiar stances.
Until, that is, our eyes meet, eyebrow raised. One of us will give a half smile, and the other shall return it, before letting out a fierce war-cry.

And there, my friends, it shall begin over again.

May we all find that special someone to be our archnemesis one day. :)


Drake said...

Someday you'll find that special someone...that Mr. Wrong (or Mrs. Wrong!)

Until then, don't give up. Just gotta keep believin' that they're out there, hating you somewhere.

Deb in GA said...

Honey, I'm sure your archnemesis would NEVER let you know s/he is reading this and thereby tip you off that s/he is stalking you. Be sure to Watch Your Back....